“Dear single ladies….” That’s how the almost two page letter I was writing started out. After I wrote it I asked my mom to read it, but before she finished I already knew what she was going to say. Yes, it was truthful but it was also cliche. So instead of writing you what we all need to hear I decided to ask some of the amazing single women that I know these following questions:
What do you wish people would say to you as a single person? What do you wish they wouldn’t say?
“In general, I would like them to remember they were single once, and that at some point they encountered the same thoughts or struggles that I have now…also, being single isn’t what defines me. There’s more to life than being married. I have found my friends who are married will say things like, ‘I wish I were still single,’ or ‘life was so much easier when I didn’t have to ask my husband.’ It really hurts because here I am desiring that, but God has said, ‘not now.’ I know that their intention is not to hurt me, but it comes out in the moment and it’s like trying to defuse a bomb that already exploded….it’s just collateral damage everywhere. Than I have those friends who have kids and they are like ‘when you have kids you’ll understand.’ It goes on and on ‘when you have a husband you’ll understand..’ Please, sin is sin and I don’t need to to be married or have kids (to know that). And then they just disappear because they have to care for their husband…really? He survived this long without you and I’m sure he’ll be alright…it’s one HOUR!” ~age 40
“Hmmm I hate: the right man will appear when you stop looking. I love: look at this woman or that one who was either single till 40’s and lived a full and wonderful life or this woman who never married and similarly lived a wonderful life. I also like: better to be single and wish you were married, than married and wish you were single. I came across a quote the other day saying a soul mate is someone who changes you, makes you a better person. I like that definition. It’s not limited to men and I’ve had many beautiful soulmates…male and female.” ~age 30
“Not to say: I just don’t know why no man has scooped you up! Or I know how hard this must be for you. To say: I’m so sorry this hurts. I don’t know why God hasn’t brought you someone, but will be praying that he provides and that the Holy Spirit brings comfort to you. ” ~age 28
“For me it just gets annoying when you get the look like, ‘What you are single?’ and you know they are thinking what is wrong with her. I am okay being alone and I don’t have to have someone to make me happy. Or ‘you are 27 and you want kids you better get moving.’ I could settle for someone okay just to be in a relationship but I want someone amazing so until then I am fine where I am at.” ~age 27
“That is a hard one. Probably of support and understanding what it means to be single later in life. To be supportive and encouraging of opportunities God provides due to singleness, to live a full single life with all the richness God can provide. To not forget that Jesus can return any time and I need to be found by Him busy at the work He has given me.” ~age 37
“Hmm…good question. I think the best advice I ever got was from my friend. I was complaining about how I’ll never get married since I don’t know anyone who would be interested in pursuing me, etc, and he just said, ‘You don’t need to know a million guys. It only takes one.’ And that just made so much sense! Like it helped me realize that I don’t necessarily need options, I just need to have my eyes open to recognize the right guy at the right time.” ~age 18
So in reality maybe my letter should have started out “Dear married and single people…” Okay everyone now it’s your turn! Single people (not just the ladies!) here is your chance to give your opinion on this topic. And married people feel free to give your thoughts on this too. I think that so often the married people and single people get divided into two camps but wouldn’t it be healthier if we all just had an honest conversation? I’m very thankful that I have some amazing married friends (haha almost ALL of my friends are married). The fact that they have not alienated me is such a gift, but I do think that when we understand one another better we are also able to love better.
Love this post! Um, being single I would say “I’d like to get married”…but then again who wouldn’t? I think pretty much everybody either wants to get married or have a romantic partner. I have never been the type of girl who falls in love with every guy in the room…so the fact that I don’t have a pursuer right now is fine…because I don’t care for anyone I know. I think it’s our responsibility to live a full and effective life…and at 18 I figure I have a long way to go. (I am not just going to sit at home and do nothing. I want to get out…I want to do and to be.) I guess it comes down to me trusting God…that He has a plan and that it’s a good one. I think you can miss someone you have never met…I know I sure do… 🙂 Again! Thanks for the post…
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I loved hearing their answers and I appreciate you sharing here in the comments. 🙂 Totally agree with you on the don’t sit around and wait part. You are being effective where you are and that is a wonderful thing! You certainly can miss someone you’ve never met…
I would say to both married and single individuals what D.L. Moody once said,
“Let us {me} be little and unknown,
Loved and prized by Thee {God} alone.”
Oh that we all would see the preciousness and the intimacy of a relationship in which we are LOVED and PRIZED by God alone! The One to Whom we can pour out our hearts and know Him. The Only One who can fill the aching pain for a relationship in the human heart.
He will satisfy and He is Worthy!
I am 26 and still single, so I understand all the single girls who can’t wait for their Someone to come along. May I encourage you to pursue Jesus! Let Him draw me, and together we will all run after Him. Fall in love with the One and Only Prince of Life.
Press on to Know Him!
Yes! SO good Stephanie. We do truly need God to fill us and satisfy us first and foremost. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I wish more people would encourage me to pursue the heart of God and let Him by my all…in every way. I know this myself, but it would be so nice to have others encourage me in it rather than just pitying me because I’m not married yet at 28.
This is key to every area of life, we can not look to men to fulfill and satisfy our deepest longings, they will always let us down because they are sinners, but God never will.
Also, to be encouraged to make the most of this time of singleness…because once I’m married, it won’t be as easy to serve in the same ways I am able to now as a single person.
Yes, encouragement is always a good thing! Isn’t it incredible how God will always satisfy?! And AMEN to that last part! I put that in the letter I didn’t post on here. 😉 Be intentional with your life right where you are and serve others! Something I continually need to work on…
I’m only 18 and marriage is definitely something that I hope for in the future, but for me, being single is an opportunity to dive deep into a relationship with Jesus and serve Him in a way that I won’t be able to when I’m married. I always remind myself that because I choose to focus on a relationship with God now, without distractions, I can be ready when He does choose to bring someone into my life. Patience in and of itself is not waiting, but rather what you do while you wait. And I think that makes the difference.
As a single young adult, I find it frustrating when others talk about being single as if it is a problem that needs solving. When my family constantly asks if I’ve “got a boyfriend”, says “just wait ’till you’re dating”, or suggests that a numerous amount of the opposite gender must be attracted to me (like “I bet the boys will be lining up”). They’re usually spoken in good humour, but they can be distressing to me. Yes, having a special someone in my life would be lovely, but I am an individual with thoughts, talents, beliefs, and opinions all my own and I don’t need a boyfriend to complete me. I’m not defined by my relationship status.
Thank you for this post, Elaini!
xoxo, Alesha
Alesha that’s so great! I love what you said about patience being more about what you do while you wait. Also yes, I totally agree that people look at being single as a problem and it’s NOT. So glad to hear that you’re not defined by a relationship status. 🙂 xxx