{ DAY 386 }

IMG_5284I’d like to say that I’m a recovering perfectionist, but in all honesty I’m doing more struggling than recovering.  You’d never guess that I struggle with perfectionism if you saw my room right now.  It’s in disarray.  But it’s something much deeper than the piles of clothing lying on the desk.  I used to think that being a perfectionist wasn’t a bad thing.  It just meant that I cared about the details and wanted things to be nice right?  Yet if I’m being real with myself perfectionist is just a nice word for control freak.  It’s so hard for me to admit that to myself.  Why do I desperately feel the need to control and make perfect the things around me or my very own self?  My brokenness certainly can’t make anything whole.  I need the whole of Jesus to fill the hole in my life.  That’s why I’m searching for perfect.  But the answer isn’t in me making things right.  The answer is in trust.  There’s my issue right there.  Do I really trust Jesus?

If I truly trusted him and let go of control I’d find true freedom.

It’s in the day to day that we find Perfect.  Not because things are perfect, oh no they can be quite the opposite, but because in the chaos we search for the One who is perfectMaybe faithfully loving and living in this imperfect world draws us to perfection himself.  We don’t have to keep striving because life has already been lived perfectly for us by Jesus.  So that’s why I can point out my flaws.  Not because they are anything interesting but because they point to the fact that I need a Savior.  A perfect record.  Jesus.  The One who lived exactly how I should live and don’t, and died the death that I should die and won’t.

“Failure is just part of the process, and it’s not just okay; it’s better than okay. God doesn’t want failure to shut us down. God didn’t make it a three-strikes-and-you’re-out sort of thing. It’s more about how God helps us dust ourselves off so we can swing for the fences again. And all of this without keeping a meticulous record of our screw-ups.” ~Bob Goff

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