{ DAY 410 }

The sinking feeling sank all the way down to my toes, but my body filled right back up with all the hurt of the moment.  While the incident was relatively small and not really a thing of much significance I felt betrayed by the response I received.  Every fiber of my body wanted to scream, “How could you?!”  At that point I was already a bit tender from other life experiences.  I’d gingerly given this friend my trust again after this individual had lost it in the past.  Yet, that one small action tore down the bricks of trust that I’d been carefully building in this friendship.  What really caused the misery was that my friend wrote me off and I felt insignificant and childish.  Dismissal of my hurt through only a few short words made me tense as I felt completely uncared for by someone I felt should care.  Just like that I’d been written off.  All the way down to my next appointment of the day I held back the tears.  All the way home I let them roll.  My mind and heart went into defense mode and while I knew I loved this person that had hurt me I also knew I didn’t like the individual at that moment.  My reaction to the loss of trust was to feel the roaring thought that clanged in my head, “I can’t trust anyone.”  As my car sped down the highway so did my thoughts.  One tiny seed had caused me to recall numerous times I’d been wounded by people. In the next moment I was struck with the thought that I couldn’t even trust myself.  People had let me down but I’d also let myself down countless times.  Right then I realized a truth I needed to be reminded of.  Only God can be trusted.  He is the only One who never changes and is always good.  Gently he took my thoughts and turned them to a garden.  Amidst a garden where all of his closest and dearest friends fell asleep Jesus was betrayed in his most significant time of need.  Not only Jesus’ friends hurt him but the whole world wrote him off.  He was disregarded and misused so that I would never have to feel insignificant.  He was not trusted so that I could know true trust.  His heart was broken so that mine could be made whole.  Putting my trust in the Man of Sorrows, who knows my pain that I inflicted on him and loves me anyways, is the best plan for healing.  Dear Reader, I know you’ve been hurt by friends and had people defy your trust and I pray you can find restoration in Jesus for he is the only one that can be trusted 100%.  Let’s dwell on that and not on the wrongs done against us.  Let’s live freely loving others regardless of how they treat us because our hope and trust is secure in the unchanging One.

P.S.  I realize the pictures are dark and slightly grainy but we were racing against the setting sun…and sorta lost…but I still like the moody feel it gives these photos. 🙂  Also I still need people to be a part of my 2013 fundraising team so please let me know if you’d like to bless some sweet children in India! Email me at misselaini @ gmail.com (remove spaces) if you’re interested!