{ I can (DAY 463) }

Sometimes, okay often, I wonder: why do I write?  It doesn’t come easily.  The words don’t slip off my tongue.  My thoughts aren’t fluid like a dancer pirouetting her way across a stage. Words stick in my soul and then, trembling, tumble themselves out.  Right there is the answer to my question though.  I write because it isn’t easy for me. I write because I have a voice and I need to practice using it in a healing, helpful, challenging, joyful and all-good-things sort of way.

Reading through Joshua yesterday I was struck by an interesting passage about Caleb’s daughter.  He proclaims that whoever can conquer a certain city will win his daughter’s hand in marriage.  After Othniel succeeds in this there are these fascinating verses in chapter 15.  “When she came to him, she urged him to ask her father for a field.  And she got off her donkey, and Caleb said to her, ‘What do you want?’ She said to him, ‘Give me a blessing.  Since you have given me the land of the Negeb, give me also springs of water.’ And he gave her the upper springs and the lower springs.” (Joshua 15:18-19)

I love that this woman, Achsah, used her voice.  She acted and was blessed because of it.  In this culture it was very rare for women to be given land.  Now add to that the fact that her father granted her request for a particular section of springs of water.  What if she wouldn’t have tried?

Writing isn’t instant gratification for me and in a world that shouts that we deserve it I want to ignore those voices and persevere.  Even if it scrapes up my knees and leaves me a bit bloody I don’t want to give up.  I don’t want to say “I’m not a writer” just because I’m not perfect at it.  Sure it doesn’t come naturally but is that a reason to sit back and be lazy if it’s truly something I want?  While it may be highly unlikely that I will ever craft books like my favorites (think C.S. Lewis) I certainly won’t get any better if I just ignore writing altogether.

While watching my nephew and niece last week my two year old little nephew decided that climbing the monkey bar arch was a good idea.  With him half way up I looked at his older sister and asked her if he could climb it.  “No, he can’t.” Great, just what auntie wants to hear, but here’s the thing.  He didn’t know he couldn’t so he tried.

We hear it so often “I’m not a ………” you fill in the blank.  Just listen to yourself for a day and see how many things you don’t think you can do.  In reality it’s probably just because we’re lazy.  Yep, just went there.  Instead of calling it for what it is though we leave ourselves a back door so that we don’t have to stretch ourselves.  So what is it you “can’t do”?  Will you make steps to try?  I hope you will.  I know I need to keep pep talking myself because I don’t want to get boxed in by “I can’t”.