{ Just Listen (DAY 483) }

Over the past two years I’ve wanted to write this post but timing was never right.  Now it is.  So here goes.

One day I was sitting talking with a friend when she opened up and shared something very important to her.  Maybe it was the fact that she was moving away that allowed her to be so open but regardless of what prompted the conversation I will forever be indebted to her for what I learned and took away from that time.  Our talk on the subject lasted for hours over two tea times.  We disagreed.  Yes, as in quite a bit it seemed.  Even though we didn’t hold the same position I left energized from that conversation and grateful and so did she.  It was amazing and so beautiful.  We both commented on it.

Since then I’ve had other really challenging conversations with different people but rarely have they gone so well as that first one did.  It made me stop and wonder what was different.  You’re bound to disagree with people throughout life if you’re not a pushover so why do some situations end up being damaging while others leave you grateful and grown?

I observed some interesting things that occurred from my time with that sweet friend who let me in (even though I believe she was hesitant about what I would say).  The first thing that happened is that we listened, both of us.  We genuinely cared about the other person and so while we didn’t seem to have the same view on the topic we took the time to really hear one another.  We humbly shared and asked good questions in non threatening tones.  We tried to see it from the other person’s view.  We talked about terms and words so that we were on the same page.

Guess what happened.  Even though we both still didn’t fully agree we found that we both actually agreed a lot more than we imagined.  I got closer to her side of the topic and she to mine.  We both felt challenged and thoughtful and it was incredible.  It was because we took the time to consider what the other one had said.  Yes, we did advocate for our views but we didn’t jump to defend our positions in a this-is-the-only-way type of way.

Some people just wont take the time to listen and have a conversation about differences but when they do, if you’ll listen, you might grow in profound ways.  Being challenged about your ideals and path for life and ways of doing things is never ever easy or pleasant but it can yield a depth of character and learning that you won’t find elsewhere.  I have so much to learn and apply still from that first conversation from two years ago with that lovely lady but I’m so thankful for how it has affected my life.  How I pray that I may be humble enough to listen to hard words from others and may I lovingly be willing to start a conversation about things that aren’t always easy to say but can cause a blossoming of character.  Neither side is fun to be on but if you both choose to look at both angles you may gain perspective that you never had or even new beliefs.

A year after those coffee dates I wrote this to her: After some interesting conversations I’ve been reflecting on the ones we had before you left. A simple thank you is not enough. You punctuated a valuable lesson for me. That regardless of whether or not we believed the same things we can still be humble enough to listen to other people. Our talks and your willingness to be genuine and open were a gift. While I may not agree with everyone, hearing their side and reasons for them is still important. Taking the time to consider another persons thoughts and positions can be rewarding either way. So thank you for being humble enough to listen to me and for sharing your perspective. Thank you for letting me in. I’m grateful for how you handled yourself and for how you let me be myself too.

Listen and you shall hear.  You may be changed too, in a good way.