This blog has certainly been a mishmash of my life. More and more this little space is becoming a journal to document my days and love for children in India as well as to challenge myself to grow. I want to write words that are true, the honest kind where I know I’ve shared my heart. Certainly I try to do that every time but it’s a developing thing. Many times it’s hard to know the difference between over sharing things that are just for my close friends and being open, vulnerable, and raw. There is a craving in my heart for authenticity.
I love pictures of people. I love looking at them as well as taking them and it’s something I want to do more often. When I post pictures on here I want you to see realness. Sure I like beautiful pictures but I also want them to have soul. Two of these pictures on here today are quite special to me and so I wanted to share them with you. One is of my dear friend Rachel and when I see this image it brings up one of the loveliest summer memories I have from this year. We were just two sisters hanging out and taking pictures in my back yard and laughing our heads off. You can be sure it was just a bare bones “photo shoot” creating pictures to “show our children someday how mommy looked.” Laugh if you will but we just took a piece of fabric and draped it over the clothes line and sat ourselves down on a broken stool. There was minimal makeup and untamed hair. Moments in time were frozen and our very selves leak out of these photos because we let ourselves just be.
The other photo is my niece. At the tender age of 5, going on 30, she’s a precocious soul and always on the move. This photo was one captured of over a hundred I took, again in our backyard, one night that she came for a sleepover. It was spontaneous and she wore my clothes. Shirts on me because dresses on her. We laughed and she gave me all of her looks and a dream of mine was fulfilled to do a “photo shoot” with her. This photo of her and her sunshine smile isn’t perfect but it is to me because her color seeps through even on a black and white.
“When you photograph people in color, you photograph their clothes. but when you photograph them in black and white, you photograph their souls.” Ted Grant
I’m real, you’re real. There’s too much pretense and “fake” if you will already in the world. Let’s create honest moments. What are some of the things you wish people would be more real about? I want to hear your thoughts. Pretend you’re sitting here with me on the couch. (If you need a visual my hair is up in a wacky pony tail and I’m wearing crazy socks AND purple plaid pj bottoms and a red sweater. Haha!) What’s on your heart and mind lately?
SIDE NOTE: If I haven’t responded to your email it may very well be because I haven’t received it. Please send it again! Things have been going to junk mail and getting deleted. 🙁 I’m checking there now!
(Top and bottom photo by me. Middle photo taken and edited by Rachel.)
I feel like I’m fake sometimes. I want to be real and raw and open to the people around me. But what would they do if i was? Would they think me weird and out of place? Would they understand my heart? Would God be disappointed in my lack of control? I’m so scared of being a disappointment.
I totally understand and agree, Abby. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Reading both Elaini and Rachel Coker’s blogs, I’ve seen a lot of this rawness, this realness I don’t find in the world. Think about it…what kind of people do you just “connect” with it? Isn’t it the ones who aren’t afraid to admit their failures? It’s those people we identify with because those are the people who are just as imperfect as us, and God gets glorified in their brokenness. We can try to be strong, but it is when we are weak that God’s power is made perfect. (2 Corinthians 12:9) And true, it’s not always accepted, but trust me, when it’s for God, it’s totally worth it.
(Don’t mean to lecture, this is just as much for me.) 🙂
Thanks for the great post, Elaini!
Ahhh! I love it when readers “talk” to each other on here! 😀 Hosanna, you said that beautifully! Thank you so much. It’s always encouraging to know that there are others out there that feel the same way…. xxx
Abby, your honesty is so beautiful! I really appreciate you sharing. I ask the same questions but you really got me with the last one. I think I’m afraid about disappointing the Lord at times but while our actions do matter he already loves us and sees us as he sees his Son! There is freedom in knowing that even if we mess up his love never changes. You’re not a disappointment!
These pictures are amazing! I love how b/w photography really captures the emotion…..
Beautiful ladies 🙂
Thanks! 😀
I have learned once you start being open with people, even about your hardest trials, people will open up right back. That’s how God uses the tough stuff we go through. If we hide it away, it’s wasted. If we share it, and it helps someone else, well then, some of that victory satan was hoping for slips away. What he meant for evil, is used for good. And God gets the glory when you can tell your story and showcase Him. I was depressed, cutting. Went through counseling, got better. God told me He’s going to use what I went through to help other women. I could say, “I don’t think so. It’s way too embarrassing admitting to these things.” But then, like I said, it’s a trial wasted. So I speak to the women God brings to me: depressed women, suicidal women. My faith has grown and my fear to speak has disappeared. There is something incredibly awesome about seeing the hellish months I went through completely redeemed! So be real! Open up! God wants to use each of us to touch lives.
Amber thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart with us. This is beautiful and your story offers so much hope. I’m sure you’ve touched many lives by your willingness to be open and vulnerable. I appreciate your words!
Thanks Amber, I needed this.
“And God gets the glory when you can tell your story and showcase Him”
Because when we’re raw it’s really not so that we can make better friends or be better people. It should be so that we’re completely transparent (by this I mean clear, see-through), as if people can look at us and just see God glorified, not us at all. Because life is not really about being great people who love God. It’s. all. about. God. Giving Him glory and shining for Him and being tangible representations of God’s love.
Thanks, Amber – I needed this reminder.
You’re welcome, Hosanna! What you wrote was beautiful! I love the transparent part. I read once that as we get deeper into Christ, people look at us and see Him emerging. Isn’t that what we long for?
How do you define authenticity? I have a hard time with that one…..
Thanks and keep the posts coming.
Peace!
I think it’s something that is genuine and real. It’s more nuanced than that but I think those two words are the bare bones of authenticity.