MISS ELAINI OUS

The wind was twirling the dry flakes of snow around in circles on the street outside and for just a second I thought I saw the delicate hem of a dress swish just so.  Indeed I was not mistaken for this part of the country was getting ready for a winter wonder land ball.  Before I knew it the gown took form and began to spread itself out luxuriously.  Miss Winter was giddy with the excitement of it all and sent out a shiver of delight.  Once clothed in pure white and shimmering softness she reached for the last perfect accessory, slender icicles to adorn her little ears.

As she walked onto the stage there was a hush as the world watched in amazement.  While her presence was unexpected she was the loveliest sight to behold.  Life needs beauty.  Sometimes we have to be forced to stop and see it.

This past weekend as my city was cloaked in snow and ice I took the opportunity to create and explore.  My fingers turned bright red as I designed deconstructed flower art.  Time after time the wind was a tease and merrily wafted the petals askew but finally I was able to capture the designs for one moment before they were destroyed.

What I found interesting is how much joy I experienced doing something most would observe as meaningless.  Pulling petals off of stems and arranging them in the snow doesn’t sound quite that worthwhile yet creating beauty is valuable.  I believe that it points back to a beautiful God.  He designed beauty in so many shapes and forms and celebrating it and enjoying it is another way we can thank him.

It would be pointless to deny that this world is void of pain and suffering so how can we help change that?  We can be beauty creators and enhancers.  I don’t mean a Hollywood style of beauty.  Far from that what I’m talking about are things like imagination, life, and people.  When we draw out beauty and light and let it point us back to the Creator we assist in pushing back darkness and suffering.  So make sure to take some time to appreciate, encourage, and create beauty around you.

Also please don’t forget about the #4love14 campaign here!  Can we show love and encourage beauty and life for sweet children in India?  All it takes is giving a small gift of $5 dollars to do so!  Thanks everyone!

Have you ever heard the real story of Valentine?  The one about a person and not just the day?  It’s pretty amazing.  No, it’s not romantic in the way most of us think of the word but it is beautiful.  Back during the 3rd century there lived a priest named St. Valentine.  When Claudius, the ruling emperor of that time, issued a law that instructed that soldiers were not allowed to marry it caused some issues.

Love finds a way
Claudius assumed that single soldiers would fight better if they weren’t concerned about what would happen to a wife or children in their absence.  Of course this didn’t stop the soldiers from wanting to get married and St. Valentine risked his life to secretly perform the forbidden vows.  Young couple after young couple came to him for assistance but eventually he was discovered, thrown in prison, and tortured.

Eyes that truly see
Legend has it that while St. Valentine was imprisoned he prayed for the jailers daughter, who was blind, and she was healed. Due to this the jailer, Asterius, became a Christian.  Unfortunately, though Asterius tried to get him released St. Valentine was still condemned to death.  St. Valentine was martyred sometime on or around February 14th.  Before he went to his execution he wrote a letter to the lovely young woman who had been healed from her blindness and signed it “Your Valentine” thus giving us the popular phrase we now use on February 14th.

Love lives on
The myths surrounding St. Valentine teach us something incredibly valuable.  Love is sacrificial.  It gives of itself regardless of the consequences even to death.  Love isn’t always a pretty flowery thing but a crimson tide of life.  True love gives, true love does.  I hope you get a lot of valentines cards this year but I also hope you give a lot too.  Would you consider helping me spread a little love by giving just five dollars for the beautiful orphans in India?  You can read more here about joining in the delight of spreading love and the #4love14 campaign!

“That’s because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: love does.” Bob Goff

UPDATE!!! $86,627.19  How fast can we get it to the $87K mark? 🙂  Also I got new pics of my 545 kiddos (the one seen here is from January) and I cried again.  My kiddos are just so beautiful and amazing….sorry not sorry for the momma brag.

Unless you live under a rock you’re probably aware that Valentine’s Day is right around the corner because every store is filled with garish displays of red, pink, and heart shaped everything.

You may find it strange that I actually enjoy this day even though I am single but I do! I think love should be celebrated every day and in lots of different ways. True, commercialism has tried to lure us into seeing this one day in a particular way but we don’t have to conform.

Show a little love for big change
In case you were looking for a way to spread a little L.O.V.E. this season then I have just the thing for you! So here’s my idea. I’m donating just four dollars to spread some love to orphaned children who need to know that they are valuable. I think everyone has $4 dollars to spare right? If not go hunt down the loose change in your house/couch/dryer. Let’s show some L.O.V.E. (little offerings, very effective) this month! If we all gave just a little, we can make big changes in the lives of those in need. And Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to do just that!

Let’s do this together
To make it extra fun, and hopefully inspire others to join us, please tweet, fb, or instagram a picture of your four dollars or a picture of a heart with the hashtag #4love14 so that we can do this together. It’s really that easy! Just donate to help the sweet orphaned kiddos in India by clicking on the red Give Now button on the sidebar or here and then let’s see the L.O.V.E (little offerings, very effective) spread!

Getting your friends to join you will make this month that much sweeter! Who said Valentine’s Day is just for couples?! We can always spread love and hope wherever we go and the simple acts are often times the most profound. Here are some love quotes to inspire you!

 “Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do…but how much love we put in that action.” Mother Teresa

 “Love is always bestowed as a gift-freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.” Leo Buscaglia

Our lives are a story that wraps us up and ties us in close to earth.  Maybe that is why the weaving words of others creating narrative can capture me.  I love literature and I’m enthralled by an excellent tale.  Every now and then one comes along that especially grips me.  That’s how I felt about Middlemarch by George Elliot (her pen name).  Rarely does a novel have me pulling out my dictionary or looking up operas, plays, statues, and art references like this one did. Throughout the pages I discovered such an array of characters. The story follows many people but touches most deeply on Dorothea Brooke, a young woman who allows herself to be imprisoned in a miserable marriage, and Lydgate, an aspiring doctor whose wife pushes him to be socially elite.  While I always appreciate a complex and developed character, these two were especially transfixing.  Elliot delves into the anthropology of the town of Middlemarch characters and by the end of the 800 some pages has helped you to see that people you thought you understood at the beginning may be quite different by the end of the book.  This book is laden with insightful quotes like a basket of lush, nourishing, and sweet fruit.  It was one of those books that had me pressing through some of the more tedious parts because I couldn’t wait to get to the end to see how Elliot would tie everything back together.  You may be sure that I was not disappointed.  Set in the nineteenth century this book will give you a intent look into a bygone time yet still allow you to find bits of yourself among the pages. My only regret in finishing the book is that the story had to end.  Made me ponder how this earth is just the beginning of the story for our lives.  We shall have eternity to watch and enjoy the greatest story unfold.

“Scenes which make vital changes in our neighbours’ lot are but the background or our own, yet, like a particular aspect of the fields and trees they become associated for us with the epochs of our own history and make a part of that unity which lies in the selection of our keenest consciousness.”

When we head out on that highway there’s no telling what we might discover.  Sunday drives turn into adventures.  The sea got into the sky and made it all azure which made the day that much better.  “Daddy can we stop at the park?”  So he pulls over and we scramble out to breath in all that fresh air and soak up some vitamin D.  I practically skip along the winding paths through towering trees because I’m so enthralled.  The wind is chasing itself in circles around me playing tag and laughing my cheeks rosy.  Maybe that’s what’s making me skip… Somewhere along the walk my nose and fingers go numb so that when I climb back into the car it feels cozy warm.  We make a wrong turn that gives us a clue to the place we should go.  Turning right around we seek it out among the concrete Legos rising up from city blocks.  This time we have success and find something yummy to sip on.  At first our taste buds tingle and wonder at the smokey chai tea blended with creamy coconut milk and honey but by the bottom of the glass I’m doing my best to inhale every last drop through my straw.  Sitting with my two best friends I feel inexplicably happy.  Our conversation turns from this to that as we just enjoy one another.  The sun is getting sleepy and crawling into bed but we head off to Powell’s books to hunt down a certain one.  Looking through the pages our faces stare back at the ones printed there, these humans of New York, and I whisper the inscriptions and we try not to chuckle too loudly at some.  Because it was a perfect day I insist we stop and take a picture like tourists in our own city.  Mom and dad oblige but we laugh at the results…  Without a doubt these two people are my favorites in a love-you-like-it-might-make-me-burst kinda way.  I’m half of him and half of her and I couldn’t imagine wanting any other genes but these.  They’re like a good pair of jeans that fit me just right and hug me perfectly.  The type where they’ve been through the wash so many times that the fibers are soft yet more comfortable for it and where the wear and tear gives them that undeniable character.  We’re the three musketeers.  I hope you’ve enjoyed this glimpse into our escapades.  I hope there are many more!  What adventures have you been on recently and who would you take with you?

P.S.  Picture taken as we went over the bridge on our way back to home…mom wouldn’t let me post the selfie we took. 😉

Do you ever have those days, weeks, months, years where your brain is trying to process so many things that you don’t even know where to start.  It’s times like that when I just try to put all the open browser windows of my mind to rest and just choose one thing to focus on.  This week one of the beautiful women that I follow on Instagram said goodbye to her amazing mother this side of heaven.  While I’ve only met this incredible person once at my brother’s wedding I wept for her and her family.  Their love for one another was so real and tangible.  Once when I opened up my Instagram I almost lost it because there was a stunning picture of her younger sister in a wedding gown embracing their mother.  Since they knew she didn’t have long till she would be dancing with Jesus they took the opportunity to make special moments right now.  That had a huge impact on me.  Several years ago I had many people die whom I loved dearly.  From that point on I’ve been aware that the time we are given here is precious but that tender moment into the lives of these woman through social media struck me to my core again. It is so incredibly easy to take the people in our lives for granted when really we should be embracing these times.  Yes, the hard ones too.  Have you been up all night with a fussy baby or sick child? That must be unbelievably hard but what a gift that you get to comfort them and be there for their little hearts.  Have you had to cook dinner for the 10,000^th time?  I know it seems mundane but you get to feed people who have eternal souls.  Have you gone to work one more day at a difficult job?  Amazing, that you have the ability to provide for your needs and possibly the needs of others.  Perspective changes things doesn’t it?  Please go hug someone you love and tell them what you appreciate about them.  Take time to create memories with the ones you care about.  They are a gift.

“Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door.” Emily Dickinson

Change is necessary to progress.  It doesn’t have to be something massive. In fact a little change faithfully made can have a big impact.

You see I’ve been challenged about why I blog. This is a good thing. I do need to always be asking good questions about why I do the things I do. So why do I blog? Well first and foremost I hope that Jesus will be honored here in this space. Specifically though I blog for some other reasons too.

I started this blog as a means to raise money for orphans and that purpose still stands. If you’ve been frustrated by the goal amount always being raised after we meet the previous goal then I’m sorry you feel that way. My main reason for continually raising the goal is that there is always a need and I’m crazy in love with my kiddos. These children just don’t stop living and needing help because we reached a goal so I keep raising funds. I can’t say what will happen down the road when I reach $100K but I will reevaluate then. Right now I know that I’m supposed to get to that goal. Thank you for partnering with me in that!

Another reason I blog is for the discipline of writing. Knowing that I’ve set out to blog twice a week forces me to pause during my week and consider thoughts and words. This is good for my brain and soul. Often times I process things I would have never processed otherwise. It’s also enjoyable to hear your thoughts on different topics.

Frankly I blog because I want to and I think it’s fun! Also I dearly hope that my paltry but sincere words will encourage and challenge you. 

One of my favorite reasons for blogging is the people I have the opportunity to connect with from all over. There are some pretty amazing people I would never have even known about had it not been for this little place here.

As many of you know this blog started out as a project. While that project is still going this space has become more than that. Unfortunately when you take one thing and try to change it there isn’t always a smooth transition. Let me explain. My blog posts started out using fashion to raise money for orphans. When the main project came to an end I continued to do outfit posts since it appeared that people enjoyed them. Also it has been a creative outlet and challenge for me figuring out how to style new outfits without purchasing clothing for the past three years. Since I want to have original content on here that worked out great to have those pictures for my posts. Yet while I completely enjoy fashion I don’t enjoy writing about it all the time.  So while my posts morphed into writing about life, joy, struggles, and what not my pictures stayed the same. This caused a disconnect for me as well I’m sure as for you and seemed odd. So I have a question for you. Do you like the outfit posts? If so please let me know in the comments below and I will consider keeping it as one of the many things featured on here.  If you do want me to continue with outfit posts then I will do my best to have that happen but I will have the writing go along with those posts as the change.

If you’ve read this far bravo! Thank you dear readers who have encouraged and supported me. Thank you for bearing with me as I figure out this blogging thing. I’m desperately in need of grace since I will make mistakes. I’m looking forward to exploring what is going to come next and see where this road leads.  Happy Tuesday! xxx

He was an inspiration to me even before I knew it.  My older brother was always drawing people out.  It didn’t matter who they were or what they were like he had a knack for that sort of thing.  So while I don’t remember when I started picking up on this beautiful trait of his there was a moment when it clicked in my head.  There I was standing under the shelter at the private camp area with a whole field of people playing and talking and when I looked over there was one person all by herself.  I knew she must feel lonely even amongst all these people and so even though I felt unbelievably awkward I walked up to her and started a conversation.  No, it wasn’t the easiest conversation but from that point on I knew something had shifted.  Ever since then I’ve been trying to learn about people by just striking up a conversation with them hopefully letting them know that I genuinely care.  While my brother, Drew, has the ability to seamlessly engage people, I on the other hand have been making awkward conversation ever since that day at the camp but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Learning takes practice.  One of the best things about this blog has been the opportunity to extend that ability of meeting people.  There have been some crazy connections that have made my heart smile.  Several years ago while doing my 100 day dress project I had the privilege of meeting some lovely ladies from Urbaca Salon and they have generously pampered me ever since.  Then when the 12 days of Christmas project came around in 2012 my cousin’s friend found a photographer in Utah who graciously shot their pictures in Colorado.  How does this all intersect?  Well the beautiful Kiersta who took those pictures for the fundraiser moved to Portland this summer! We met up and had a wonderful time talking and sharing lives.  She’s an amazing woman!  So when when Urbaca Salon asked me to model for hair and makeup I knew just the person to take the pictures!  So today’s post is in honor of collaboration and learning to care about people from all walks of life from all over.  You never know what beauty might just catch your eye.  It may range from a dusty camp out to a lovely salon but you might miss it if you don’t take the chance of meeting someone new.

A huge thank you to the amazingly generous and talented Kiersta from Kiersta Rhodes Photography for taking these images.  Kiersta, you are a beautiful woman and I feel so blessed to know you.  Thank you so much for being an incredible fundraiser last year for my kiddos as well.  Can’t thank you enough for that!  Check out her lovely blog here!
Also thank you so much to Urbaca Salon for asking me to model!  I don’t normally wear this much makeup or get my hair done so it was fun to play around with something new.  🙂

At the request of a friend comes this post and pictures…

“I can’t believe you did that.  You keep surprising me.” “Hey we better get pictures of this for your blog because no one will believe that you, the fashion blogger, did this.  Strike a pose.”  That was what my mom and dear friend said to me just a few nights before the end of 2013.  Trust me, the bruises all over my legs and my muscles screaming at me every time I moved for the next several days lent credence to my story.  I may or may not have been able to get out of the car the next day without looking like an old person.  Running into the other team was like running into a brick wall.  Last year was a year of stepping outside my comfort zone and will be a theme for the rest of my life.  So when my dear friend looked at me with those big beautiful eyes of hers and begged that I would spontaneously play touch football (for the first time) in the dark how could I say no?  Of course there I was in clothing that was not conducive to mud and such so I was quickly outfitted with a borrowed hoody and shoes and out we went to brave the cold.  We had a grand time and I was constantly asking questions about the game because while I very much enjoy football I like to be the one cheering the others on instead of playing, until now.  I have lots to learn about this game just like I have copious amounts to learn about life.  We stumbled around in the (mostly) dark field, laughed, got hurt, and altogether had a grand time making memories.  Only when you work as a team can you achieve the end goal, literally.  Community is important.  While running around in the dark can be exciting it’s dangerous too.  You can’t see the potholes or that slick patch of grass.  Lights make an incredible difference in how you play the game.  When we have Jesus, the Light, it changes how we play out our lives too.  Not because we need to do better or more but because we are loved.  You are loved.  When I played football and entered into the fun, instead of being worried about doing it perfectly, I did better and the same goes for my life.  If we are always worried about performance instead of just enjoying God we’ve got it all wrong and are doing life for the wrong reasons.  We become unhappy moralists.  Let me say it this way: I become an unhappy moralist when I don’t live life fully enjoying Jesus first and foremost.  Yes, I will fall down, there will be mud, it will get messy, I will get bruises and be sore but if I’m looking to Jesus as the goal then that’s what matters.  If I’m truly in love with Jesus then the other things will work themselves out because my heart will be in the right place.  When Jesus touched down to earth he defeated the team of sin.  The victory has already been won.  Let’s start celebrating like we’ve just taken home the trophy, because we have.  In this game of life we get Jesus.  And that’s everything.

P.S.  Despite how fun football is there is still something in me that feels that running into people at high speeds is always a bad idea.  I think that something are my muscles… 😉

Last year was a vulnerable year for me with writing on this blog.  Consequently my most vulnerable and hard to publish posts were also the ones that received the most responses.  So even though theses were challenging posts for me, this time around I can post them a bit more easily. 🙂  This week I will re-post the two most responded to blog posts from 2013.  Once again I hope you are encouraged and blessed…. Happy New Year everyone!  I’m excited to see what God will do in 2014 as I chronicle the adventures God has in store for me (and my kiddos in India).

“Smile Elaini.”  “I’m trying daddy but that’s as much as I can.”  I forced my mouth to smile as much as it could as my father snapped a picture of me and a dear friend, but it felt like stretching a rubber band out that has lost it’s elasticity, cracking.  Sometimes it happens slowly and at other times it hits me fast and hard.  This time it had happened almost overnight.  That point where my eyes swell almost shut and my face cracks open creating fissures of raw.

I sighed as I looked in the mirror.  And in that moment my soul felt raw too.  It wasn’t the first time this had happened.  No, I’d dealt with it for years in my past with no relief.  Though things have gotten somewhat better I’m still often reminded that I don’t have a healthy body.

Back when I was 16 ½ and my body fell apart for four years I wrestled with many, many thought processes.  One of them was my worth.  I was stripped of everything I considered, at that time, made me worthy of living.  This included but was not limited to my health, my friends, the way I looked, my independence, and even my ability to process, think clearly, and focus.  I didn’t understand why I was alive.  All I could do was lie in bed and have people wait on me.  And when I looked in the mirror I cringed.  I felt like I was staring at a monster, but the monster was me.  I’d never really struggled with body image issues but this took things to a whole new level.  A nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from and couldn’t ever leave because it was my very self.  But as my skin and soul cracked wide upon something unexpected happened.  My bloody painful skin pointed me to the One who cracked open heaven wide and came down to bleed and die for me.  As I wrestled with and finally surrendered to that truth on a new level it changed everything.  I realized my worth had already been set by the One who spoke light into being and spun galaxies into life with a gentle breath.

Even though any outward beauty I had possessed was stripped there was a deeper and longer lasting beauty that could be mine.  You would think that after four years of dealing with this 24/7 I would get it.  But no, I forget.  So as I stood and gazed at myself in the mirror and felt the raw skin on my face I just asked Jesus to be with me.  I had a wedding to attend in the evening and I wanted to feel like I looked nice.  He responded in the most tender beautiful way.  You know what?  He called me sweetheart!  And my heart thrilled as he whispered to my soul that the painful skin and “ugly” face in the here and now was going to make heaven that much more precious and beautiful. 

I’m reminded of a scene in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis that illustrates a similar point.  When Aslan comes back from the dead after being killed by the witch in Narnia as a ransom for a traitor he says this so eloquently, “…though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.”

There it is.  Truth.  That death itself has already begun to work backwards because Jesus defeated death on the cross when he rose again three days later.  My body may be deteriorating but life and newness of my soul can be renewed day by day.  And although it feels like my body is unraveling cell by cell my spirit is being knit up close to Jesus.  At that point there is nothing to compare.  Living pulled in tight to Jesus’ heart is always the best option.  Hands down.  I’d much rather have discomfort here if it will make heaven that much sweeter and glorious.

I realized that I had been focusing on the wrong thing.  I don’t believe it is wrong to want to look beautiful on the outside but I had been distracted by pain and looks.  I’d only been focusing on how I felt and what I would look like for the wedding.  And Jesus whispered to me to turn my gaze away from myself and put it on him and seek to serve those I would come in contact with.  To forget about myself and being inward focused and learn to draw others out and bring them joy.  So while my smile may be a little funny and tight right now my soul is smiling as I start this journey once again of focusing on the right things.  I’m learning to smile from the inside out because I have Jesus.  That’s all I need and want.

(Photo credit: Rachel Coker) “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” 1 Cor. 13:12