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The sinking feeling sank all the way down to my toes, but my body filled right back up with all the hurt of the moment.  While the incident was relatively small and not really a thing of much significance I felt betrayed by the response I received.  Every fiber of my body wanted to scream, “How could you?!”  At that point I was already a bit tender from other life experiences.  I’d gingerly given this friend my trust again after this individual had lost it in the past.  Yet, that one small action tore down the bricks of trust that I’d been carefully building in this friendship.  What really caused the misery was that my friend wrote me off and I felt insignificant and childish.  Dismissal of my hurt through only a few short words made me tense as I felt completely uncared for by someone I felt should care.  Just like that I’d been written off.  All the way down to my next appointment of the day I held back the tears.  All the way home I let them roll.  My mind and heart went into defense mode and while I knew I loved this person that had hurt me I also knew I didn’t like the individual at that moment.  My reaction to the loss of trust was to feel the roaring thought that clanged in my head, “I can’t trust anyone.”  As my car sped down the highway so did my thoughts.  One tiny seed had caused me to recall numerous times I’d been wounded by people. In the next moment I was struck with the thought that I couldn’t even trust myself.  People had let me down but I’d also let myself down countless times.  Right then I realized a truth I needed to be reminded of.  Only God can be trusted.  He is the only One who never changes and is always good.  Gently he took my thoughts and turned them to a garden.  Amidst a garden where all of his closest and dearest friends fell asleep Jesus was betrayed in his most significant time of need.  Not only Jesus’ friends hurt him but the whole world wrote him off.  He was disregarded and misused so that I would never have to feel insignificant.  He was not trusted so that I could know true trust.  His heart was broken so that mine could be made whole.  Putting my trust in the Man of Sorrows, who knows my pain that I inflicted on him and loves me anyways, is the best plan for healing.  Dear Reader, I know you’ve been hurt by friends and had people defy your trust and I pray you can find restoration in Jesus for he is the only one that can be trusted 100%.  Let’s dwell on that and not on the wrongs done against us.  Let’s live freely loving others regardless of how they treat us because our hope and trust is secure in the unchanging One.

P.S.  I realize the pictures are dark and slightly grainy but we were racing against the setting sun…and sorta lost…but I still like the moody feel it gives these photos. 🙂  Also I still need people to be a part of my 2013 fundraising team so please let me know if you’d like to bless some sweet children in India! Email me at misselaini @ gmail.com (remove spaces) if you’re interested!

Since the beginning of July I’ve been reading Malachi.  Yes, you did hear me right.  In case you’re wondering what I’m talking about it’s an obscure book of the Bible and the last one in the Old Testament.  When you need some comfort or some wisdom and if you choose to turn to the Bible I’m guessing you don’t flip to that section of scripture…  I’ll be honest, it wasn’t my first pick either.  After studying this book though for the past four months I’ve come to see some beautiful things.  I’ve been challenged and convicted as well as encouraged.  If you’re needing some encouragement today then I hope this little tidbit that I have to share helps.  The people in Malachi are strangely like me.  Or more accurately I’m like them.  They constantly questioned the Lord in arrogance.  Far too often so do I.  There was a small group of people though that feared the Lord and came together to write a book of remembrance. (Malachi 3:16)  The Lord heard them and gave attention to them.  That is amazing.  The God who made butterflies as well as lions and set the earth spinning and causes all life to be sustained hears us!  Yes, he hears YOU.  Right of at the end of chapter three comes one of my favorite verses in this book.  “They shall be mine, says the Lord of hosts, in the day when I make up my treasured possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his son who serves him.”  Read that again.  The Lord, the existing One, calls you his own.  Not only that though he takes it to perfection and beauty by calling us his treasured possession.  If that isn’t powerful I don’t know what is.  You, yes YOU, are loved, valued, and created with a purpose.  That changes everything doesn’t it.

(This picture has nothing to do with the post but it was taken on a walk at the beginning of the year where I just tried to see the beauty in the things I always pass by.  Plus I’m a firm believer in pictures with posts.  They’re just better.)

Update on baby Jaya: she’s doing well after having open heart surgery last week but they are still at the hospital.  Please pray that Paige and Sean can take their sweet little girl home today!

UPDATE!!!!!! The 2013 fundraising is off to a good start! The new total is $76,945.73.  Who wants to push us over to double sevens?!  You all know how much I like 3’s and 7’s right? 😉  If you’re interested in being part of the amazing fundraising team check this out and let me know. 🙂

As promised here is part 2 of my ode to summer dreaming. 🙂  I love these pictures.  Is that vain to say?  I don’t say that because I think there is anything particularly amazing about them except one crucial point.  I am happy in that full-of-life-hearty-laughter-till-you-look-like-a-dork type of a way.  Looking at these pictures transports me back to that perfect day.  There are several heavy topics on my heart to write about but today is not the day for those.  No, today is for laughter, joy, and tantalizing memories.  My feet can still almost feel the richness of history in the miniscule specks of rock, seashells, and other bits of life that squished between my toes.  Each wave crept in on me whispering and beckoning me to come out and play while daring me to not get wet.  What a tease the ocean is.  Palm trees along the bank waved their arms at the sail boats gliding along and watched me jump silly.  As the fiery day star lay down her golden head she spread out one last parting gift of caramel sweet light to give us our own glow.  Then she winked at me as she glided behind the ridge.  I gave her a knowing look back.  People stared while we giggled and confirmed that I can’t run or jump like any normal person.  Such is life.  It’s best to embrace the awkward along with the beautiful because that just makes it all that much better.  When you can chuckle at the awkward it’s like you have a secret that passerby’s only wish they could understand.  The crashing waves repeat their classic song that never gets old and we drive off into the sunset.  We are free and happy.  There is sand stuck in our toes.  Goodbye summer.  I can’t wait till we shall meet again.

Today is a special day on the blog.  I have the honor of interviewing one of my best friends whom I love dearly and sharing her with you.  We’ve gotten so close that we just think of each other as sisters.  That fact in and of itself is amazing since I’ve only known Rachel since January.  Of course she’s made it onto the blog many times, (here, here, here…) but this is a unique and fun look into her life.  Rachel is an amazing woman with a whole stack of accomplishments under her (vintage) belt.  She’s a published author (2 books!), piano teacher, photographer, blogger, and writing mentor.    Her genuine heart and care for God and others though are one of my favorite things about her.  I hope you’re as inspired by her as I am!

I daydream about meeting my kiddos in India all the time.  All 545 of them!  They are precious and when I think about their little lives I’m blown away.  They inspire me.  Is that weird that children inspire a 20 something?  I don’t think it should be.  I wish it was the norm.  I wish you could be inspired by them too.  These young lives have been torn apart by sorrow and tragedy that most of us can’t even imagine.  Yet, they are resilient and happy despite all that.  A large part of that is due to the fact that these orphans have been give a safe and loving home.  Donations make it possible for them to be fed, clothed, and educated.  All that to say…it’s that time of the year again! The time where I gather an amazing team of people who are willing to do more than just say they care about orphans and put some feet to those words.  Will you be part of the 2013 fundraising team?  I’d love for you to join this group.  I promise you that you will be blessed in return.  If you’re interested please shoot me an email at misselaini [at] gmail [dot] com for more details.  I’m looking for six guys and six girls to have a friendly fundraising race!  Don’t you want to influence the future?  Here’s your chance to change lives and the future of India by investing in these children.  Please share this with people. 🙂  Let’s have some fun!

(If only I could be as close to my kiddos in real life as I am in this picture…I can’t wait for a day when I get to take pictures with them!)

Just a few weeks ago I had the privilege of flying off to Santa Barbara, CA.  It was a glorious time and just what I needed.  While I was there my friend Paige took lots of pictures for the blog.  Our days were filled with sunshine, yummy food, and exploring.   These pictures are part one of a two part series and an ode to summer dreaming.  How fun is this car?!  It was even better in person…

I think it’s healthy to look back and be delighted by memories that painted themselves right onto your heart in vivid color.  There’s the laughter shared as Paige and I raced against the sinking sun.  The clicking of the shutter caught my every silly expression in between the “posing” shots and it made me giggle at the frames caught.  It’s being grateful for getting to wear her gauzy shirt of roses and feeling like I was blooming myself.  Anxiously we checked to see if Jaya had awoken from her nap and when we were finally done we collapsed and wanted our turn to sleep.  Then there was the night that I grilled for the first time…in the dark.  I only burned my fingers a few times but have you ever tired to grill by the light of your phone?!  Hee hee.

It’s good to look in the rear view mirror sometimes.  It’s important to look back and see God’s goodness all around.  Yet, I think we must be careful not to sit staring at the past for too long.  Looking forward is the only real way to get anywhere, not by looking in your mirrors but by seeing what is right in front of you.  So while I’ll be looking back on summer days and my lips will inevitably creep into a grin at the thought of them I want to be like the woman who has strength and dignity for her clothing and who “laughs at the time to come”. (Proverbs 31:25)  Are you dwelling in the past?  Is it time to drive on?  Where are you headed?  Check back on Monday to see where we went!

On another note my sweet adopted niece Jaya is having open heart surgery today.  She’s only six months old! We would all appreciate your prayers if you are the praying type.  I know her parents, Paige and Sean, would be blessed by your prayers as well.  Thank you!

If you haven’t seen this would you PLEASE consider watching it?  It really only is a minute!

“Do you understand photosynthesis?  Especially the whole making-trees-and-leaves-and-fruit-out-of-thin-air part?  Go blow on that bush.  You can’t see it, but the bush will turn your breath into raspberry juice.” ~N.D. Wilson

It’s been a while since I did a book review.  This has not been from a lack of reading material I find in my hands.  Recently I read a book whose words swirled in my mind and gripped me to my core.  There has been a hesitation in me to write about a book that has and will continue to have such a profound effect on my life.  Let me state the cliche before I begin.  This book changed my life.  Notes from the Tilt-A- Whirl: Wide-Eyed Wonder in God’s Spoken World by N.D. Wilson is raw and beautiful.  There is no way for me to really describe it.  He puts into words so eloquently and yet bluntly what I’ve always been awed by but unable to communicate.  When I try I tend to end up sputtering and gasping for air with my mouth wide open like a small child thrown in the deep end who doesn’t know how to swim.  This book addresses hard questions.  You’ll need to roll the words around on your tongue like an ice cream lick and really taste them.  Some may go down like vinegar for you but to me they were sweetness with a touch of salt.  All I can say is that this author writes in a way I want to learn to process life.  This world is held together by words.  How is that not amazing!? It makes my brain go off like a million fireworks let off at once.  Here is an excerpt and no it isn’t my favorite.  You need to go read the book to know my favorite parts.  All of it.  Because it explains and points to the Speaker.  The Word himself.  I’ll be honest.  I cried through the last few chapters.  Tears are salty.

“I wish these things could talk to me, logs, streams, and all their parts.  But they are all talking to me.  It takes all five of my senses and mental extrapolation, imagination, just to hear the things around me in the moment. They don’t speak my shorthand, they don’t know my compressed and lifeless, two-dimensional language.  My tongue can make an L sound, but it can’t quite make a log.  Write me a history of every existing thing flattened onto pages.  Crowd it into English.  One novel, one volume per thing, one page per year.  that should be enough abridgement.  I’ll check them all out from the library and pore over every page- I swear I will.  The story of a driveway rock in six thousand pages.  A different six-thousand-page story for every driveway rock– volcanoes, floods, crushers, asphalt crews.  You don’t buy into such a young earth?  Fine.  Add the extra pages.  I’ll read them too.

The infinite Creator has an infinite attention span, an infinite love of detail.  In His story, every prop must have a complete history.”

Today I’m writing this post from a beautiful house in the woods and everything around me is singing so loudly that it’s a triumphant chorus when I step outside.  Snapshots above doesn’t do the song justice but I hope it gives you a peek at a few of the notes.  (I had brought my nice camera and two lenses and was all excited to practice shooting but of course I quite forgot to charge the battery so my trusty iphone camera came in handy.) 🙂

If you haven’t seen this would you please consider watching it?  It really only is a minute!

When I saw this car I knew that I had to take pictures with it even though I didn’t pack anything fabulous to compliment the setting.  It was one of those treasures that you just don’t want to pass up.  My dear friend Paige graciously did some asking for me and we were kindly given permission to use this classy car for some fun pictures.  Maybe there is a little part of my heart that has a fondness for a sweet ride… 😉  I wish I could get in that little blue car and drive off an adventure.  Do you ever get wanderlust?  It seems to be a constant longing in my heart.  This desire to just…go.  Windows down and music playing or just silence and beautifully rugged terrain to take my breath away.  Yet maybe it’s the very longing of my heart to go that needs to be reminded to just…be.  Last week I had the house to myself and I scheduled in lot’s of time to do nothing.  There were no plans at all and I just cozied up for a good staycation.  And then I did something I haven’t done in a long time.  No, not a crazy party but I did decide to turn off my phone and ignore emails and Facebook.  I wanted to just be.  I wanted a whole day with just Jesus.  Maybe that sounds crazy to you but he’s my best friend.  Yet often I don’t treat him like a best friend.  I don’t take the time to just enjoy being with him.  I’ve been missing out.  Friday though was a soul refreshing day.  So much so that I’m tempted to start taking one day a week to “unplug”.  Do you ever get caught up in the crazy running around of life?  Does life ever take you on a merry go round ride that’s not so merry?  How do you slow down?  I’d love to hear how you all manage life ’cause I sure don’t have it all figured out!

On another note would you join me in something?  My sister Paige and her husband Sean had a sweet little baby named Jaya (pictured above) this year and she’s only six months old.  Sadly our little love bug needs heart surgery on the 15th of this month.  If you’re the praying type will you please pray for her and her parents?  It would mean so much to me if you would.  I love these three SO much and they are an incredible family who constantly gives out to others.  We all trust that Jesus will be near to them and give a safe surgery and recovery!

If you haven’t seen this would you please consider watching it?  It really only is a minute!

“It’s a thief, it’s a thief, it’s a thief!” And just like any thief it comes to steal.  All too often it also comes in disguise.  It comes unexpectedly.  Right when you think your security system is A okay and doesn’t need to be checked one more time.  For a moment yesterday I let the thief walk in and take something from me.  While we may not know the name of the latest neighborhood robber I believe we have all come in contact with this one.  His name is Discontentment.  Oh he is stealthy and he comes creeping in through the window of comparison.  If only I could see more than just that window.  That picture that looks so perfect and sparkly.  As if the people in the house next door even hired professional staggers to fix the view for that moment when you would glance in.  I saw Discontentment walk right into my life and leave muddy footprints around on the carpet but thankfully he left his tell tell fingerprints too.  He grabbed my joy and contentment and started slinking for the door.  But he had given himself away with the signs of his presence and I knew he was there.  I wasn’t about to let him leave with what I knew I could take back.  Yes, he looked strong at that moment but I wasn’t alone and two are surely better than one to take this guy on.  Especially when you have prayer on your side and a healthy weapon of remembrance in who God is.  We can’t always stop Discontentment from trying to break in but we sure don’t have to let him get in! We need a good security system.  A fool proof one.  I’ve heard and experienced that gratefulness is a pretty amazing one.  Even if he does manage to squeeze through a crack in the floor we don’t have to let him stay.  Vigilance is needed.  I thought I was safe yesterday but I was much more vulnerable than I had wanted to believe.  We can listen to the lie that says we don’t have enough or we can choose to tell that lie to get a move on!  Gratefulness, prayer, and worship to the One who is enough, Jesus, will quickly have me secure from any thief named Discontent.  Ann Voskamp says it so well, “It’s either take captive every thought or be taken captive. When you realize life is war, you make prayer a shield and Christ your general and the victory is found in grace.”

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Both pictures of me were captured by my dear friend Paige while in Santa Barbara, CA last week.  She took me to this beautiful spot and I was instantly taken with the loveliness of the day and the Santa Barbara Mission.  We were on a mission to take pictures but we also hope that you will consider blessing children in India today by donating.  Also if you haven’t seen this then will you please take one minute to watch it?  Thanks everyone!

There is a reason I never do videos and it’s because I greatly dislike talking at a camera.  Also I can never remember what I need to say, and my face and hands and voice seem to morph into someone else. 😉  There is one thing that is compelling enough though for me to disregard all that and that is my kiddos.  I made this video for another platform but wanted to share it here as well.  Please pass it along!  I’m so excited to see who will join me!